do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I need water and some morals
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
