Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
