Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
