I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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