his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
