So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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