i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
