yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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