Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
