just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
