god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
