I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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