Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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