"it" just moved
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize