i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
