I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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