do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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