If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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