If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
