Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize