I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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