we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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