First date: that requires underwear, huh?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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