sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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