she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
