I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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