im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
