I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
