I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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