We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
