I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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