We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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