Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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