dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
