Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
