I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He better not be in your backpack
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
