I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
