Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
