Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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