i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just invented taco cereal.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
