god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Someone came in the potted fern
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
