hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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