Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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