More tranny stories later!
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
