I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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