I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
