I just made out with a guy for $7.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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