it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
