are you so shy because you have an std?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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