You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
