Swine flu. Run for my life!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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