Life is so much better after having sex.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
