worst night to have a conscience
Sober January is a disaster.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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