I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
