I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
