she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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