I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
