Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
