I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize