my vag is so smooth its legendary
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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