hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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