dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
