I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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