the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
