hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
