Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
