Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Randomize
