I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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