In the future we'll all be gay
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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