Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
